Pool Review #2 (The Constant Gravity Inducing Non-Swim Pool)

The world of pools is an intricately labyrinth in itself. There are interminable varieties of pool. The are endless pools, which are not really endless, just misunderstood. There are Olympic pools that actually are not particularly good at any sport, and have never been gods of anything. Many deep ends are actually only deep enough for small children to swim in, and some deep ends hold dark corners never before seen by human eyes.

In my infinite search for more pools to review, I came across the most perplexing of these specimens: the constant gravity inducing non-swim pool, known in some countries as “the shower”. What to say about the myriad of songs that have been written in the confines of a constant gravity inducing non-swim pool? It seems to be the primary provider of creative outbursts. Wasn’t Lincoln in the shower when he thought about freeing the slaves? Wasn’t Kubrick in the shower when he carefully laid out the intricate maze that is the hotel from the shining? Wasn’t Adele in the shower when she came up with “Rolling In The Deep”?

shower

This beauty.

Indeed. The CGINSP, as it is called in certain underground circles, holds much mystique in our daily lives. It is the birthplace of the soul, and the final resting place of the infinitely sapient. It creates and destroys heroes and nemesis alike. It cleans us. It binds us.

By far, the most comfortable feature of the CGINSP is its built-in temperature control. With a simple flick of the wrist, you may find yourself in the hottest of infernos, or in the coldest tundras. Regulating this factor, in many CGINSP’s is an art by itself. A science, if you will. The subtle change in angles can create the most varied temperatures.

I find a shower relaxing after a hard day of writing articles about daily life. It’s quite soothing. Often, the hot drops of water invite me to imagine a mid summer rain, the sun shining, and running through a garden sprinkler. It is a sensation unlike any other.

It so happens that there exists a tiny non-swim pool inside my shower. It’s there for the sole purpose of awaiting feet expecting a nice, deep exposure to water. It fills solely through hydraulic exposure, and it’s way more portable than your average swimming pool.

WHY IS THIS IN ALL CAPS. WHY IS EVERYTHING IN ALL CAPS.

I’ve written many of my songs in CGINSP’s. And still today, I maintain that showers are the most comfortable way of being inside a pool without actually being inside a pool.

I give this pool a 9/10.

If you have a pool you need reviewed, please don’t hesitate to contact the author of this article at nikolasmurdock@gmail.com

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Pool Review #1 (Solares coto 1)

A year ago I promised a pool review. You may wonder, dear reader, what exactly is there to review about a pool. Well, if the internet has taught us anything at all, it is that humans possess the god-given right to review everything around them. Be that movies, books, albums, roads and trees. Hotels seem to get the harshest of these reviews, though, followed by restaurants.

Today i will review the pool inside my division (I googled the translation for fraccionamiento and this is what popped up. I will research further into the matter.) I have been using this pool almost daily since I moved to Guadalajara.

What to write about such a particularly nice specimen? This pool is the most basic of pools. It is a big hole in the ground, inside of which water has been placed to the level necessary for a human to swim in. What more could we possible expect from such a marvelous invention?

Well, heating, as it turns out. This is a particularly cold pool because of the fact that it does not count with heating equipment. Many a-neighbors have indeed tried to dive into the waters of this modern leviathan of hydration and cursed the very womb from whence they came. Even football players, in all of their strength and bravery, seem to cower in fear of what they describe as “Agua bien pinche fría” (Very fucking cold water).

I find myself laughing at these barbarians lacking in illumination and ultimately ruining what could be the most precious moments of their lives. They are certainly the most precious moments of my life.

Lately I have been conducting research about staying underwater for as long as I can. I am a pioneer of this field, surely. In my adventures I discovered that it is easier to stay underwater once you have exhaled all the air inside your lungs. However, this brief moment of joy comes with a price, as your body tries desperately to breathe and you find yourself swatting at the water to reach the surface.

The brief seconds when your body isn’t floating anymore are precious. It’s like being in space. You find your place in the universe. It’s right there, beneath the rays of the sun and the surface of the chlorified water.

And you realize exactly where you should be.

For those of you who already want to jump inside the cold waters of this example of a modern marvel of the world, let me tell you, it’s not all pretty eyes and rice krispies treats. The pool lacks underwater stairs leading to the exit, or even the obligatory ladder to the surface. To get out, you need to strengthen your biceps and triceps and jump-sit from the deep end to the shallow end. Also, you need to request the opening of the pool every day you’re going to use it. For a socially-anxious person like me, this is almost too much. Almost I said.

I give this pool an 8/10.

If you have a pool you need reviewed, please do not hesitate to contact the author of this post at nikolasmurdock@gmail.com