This Conversation Never Happened

It was the case that she asked me what she thought about her boyfriend being prone to cheat on her. After a minute of thinking, I answered with:

If you were my girlfriend I would never stop trying to impress you and I would try harder to make you laugh everyday to the extent that I would actually study the science of comedy in an effort to never make the same joke twice and I would value your smile above all things as I do now and I would buy you the best things money can buy and still some and I would uphold your opinion over everyone else’s and If we went to Disneyland I would buy you the full park hopper and I would let you choose the rides and I would ride with you in every single one of them even if some of them make me uncomfortable or sick and I would buy you expensive snacks like overpriced chocolate or mints and we would each share a headphone on the bus-ride back to the hotel and we would lay in bed late at night watching “The Price is Right” reruns and instant food commercials and we would get hungry and go out to eat in our pajamas and we would buy museum tickets and stare at stuff for hours and then admit we don’t know anything about contemporary art and laugh a little and we would be so happy that normal people would be very jealous of us.

That may have been too much. Everyone knows the price is right is only on at midday.

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