Let’s face it. All we really want is a nice picture of a special someone we can carry around in our wallets. Here’s the real crossroads I’m in.
I haven’t written anything significant since Flowers and even though I know I’ll be back on my metaphorical horse soon, I just can’t find any inspiration. I’m not sad anymore, which is good but it’s useless. I’m not angry anymore, which is good but boring. Every single sad memory I seem to fathom just gives me brief glimpses at what I’m really trying to express and instead I just end up writing something mediocre. Hence, this post. Let’s express ourselves honestly again.
I’m uninterested in anything. Summer days pass me by like a rock on the beach. I know no love, I know no hate, I know no interest. I try desperately to feel something for anything or anyone, and fail. This is not depressing, or else my point would be broken.
Pictures used to awaken feeling in me. I used to like people. I used to be attracted to people. By the way, that word, “attracted”, it’s a very inappropriate word but it serves to describe what I mean. I used to fall in love quite easily. I mean, hell, I can’t remember the last time I thought a girl was anything more than “pretty. By the way, that word, “pretty” is quite vague and depends on the person judging but it helps to get my point across. Nowadays I don’t even look twice at girls anymore. I don’t look twice at men either, not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Political movements plague my once peaceful internet social networks and now everything has to be a debate. I’m particularly taken aback by the fact that one of the biggest political movements in my country right now is based on a Twitter hashtag. That’s just…unholy. I can’t visit two fucking internet profiles without finding a political message. I don’t even care about politics right now. Whatever happens is alright. We’ll all get used to it.
Don’t get me started on my phone. That shit hasn’t made a real phone call in such a long time, it’s starting to forget how to do it. You would think, being a phone, making/receiving calls would be it’s primary function. Not this one. If it weren’t for the fact that the screen lights up and I can play games in it it would be dead.
I’ve always been good at bullshitting people. Like, pretending to adore the sunset and the sunrise and baby’s laughter and tiny dogs. I must admit I do appreciate tiny dogs very much but that’s unrelated to the matter at hand. I woke up this morning and I couldn’t get my mask on. I could not pretend I was thrilled to be anywhere. It was the first time in ages that I just could not make pretend happiness.
I’m losing my touch.
ALL OF THEM.