I look at people and I see you.
Cruising through the interwebs because apparently that’s all I know how to do. So many politics on facebook that I want to respond to but I’m still not brave enough as to engage in a bloody battle for ignorance supremacy. There’s too much things I should know and I don’t, so I keep my comments to myself.
I’ve been doing some random stalking lately. Like, if I really liked someone I would stalk them constantly but since I don’t have anyone like that right now I just click on people randomly. I don’t even look at them for that long, I just browse. What a horrible word to use…browse. Maybe glance would be better.
Let´s start with you, girl who I do know. Oh god, that picture is really good. Really rocking the secretary look you are. I mean the way you are semi-biting your upper lip and looking outside the picture frame is really sexy. Heightened by the way your hair falls down to your shoulders it really looks something else. Plus, seeing as your hair is covering very specific places it proposes the question: “Is she wearing anything at all?”. Which of course is a suggestive question. Great work, girl #1.
Ok let’s go with you next, really hot girl who is somehow my friend in facebook but who doesn’t really know me in real life. I’ve been a fan of your pictures for quite a long time and, if it’s not too much for me to say, you have outdone yourself with this picture. Silhouetted to really empower your figure? check. Holding a microhpone? Check. Acting like you’re singing? Check.
Now your picture is really something. Judging by your C cup boobs I can tell that your 1842 friends are no coincidence. I can’t see your picture history without being your friend, so I can only assume that every picture you’ve taken is similar. That necklace you’re wearing is very cleverly worn so it can point down to your cleavage, which should win some awards really. You are trying to make people look at your boobs but there’s also your eyes. Dammit if that’s not the third cutest pair of eyes I’ve ever seen. Stunning as they are, your smile does little to accompany them. Mediocre, at best, I’d say. But the picture as a whole is does really work wonderfully.
Oh man,you all think you’re so pretty with your pictures and your style of clothing and such.I’m looking at you, Zooey Deschanel. Well, I don’t think you’re anything really. In fact I think I’ve entered a state of mind in which I hate all of you and I’m pretty sure you all hate me too, and that’s fine.
Perfectly fine really.
You go do that, and I’ll be here. Eating out of depression.
So for starters, your shirt is torn in two places in ways that are neither cosmetically appealing or have any fabrication marks which leads me to believe that you are a bit careless with what you wear. You buy your clothing based on price and appearance alone, never by brand name. This is confirmed by the fact that you’re wearing white tennis shoes with brown pants. The brand of the shoes is the one you can buy in a department store for twenty dollars. Next, your hair. Your have medium long hair but it’s not stylized in any way. You’re lazy. You procrastinate. You also cannot decide on a haircut you like, probably because of a bad long term memory. which would explain why you wear pants with lots of pockets. You carry around a bunch of stuff. Also the way you just took out your cellphone leads me to believe that you have assigned a particular pocket to your belongings. You’re a bit of a tidy freak, but not so much. The brown spot on the back of your neck is probably dirt, wish means you shower in a hurry, all the time. This either means you’re a very busy person or a very unbusy person. Given the state of your hands and the frequency with which your cellphone rings, I would say the latter. You have calluses on the tips of the fingers of your left hand, so you’re right handed, and you play a string instrument. The acoustic guitar probably given the size and toughness of the callouses. You’re a music person. This fact is confirmed by the way you tend to sway when you’re standing, and of course your ringtone. You’re probably carrying your mp3 player right now, in one of your pockets. Your hoodie’s right pocket is the most fitting place as it can be easily reached from a standing position, it’s locaed in your dominant side, and it doesn’t interfere with any of the previous allocations. You prefer to only have one thing in each pocket except when two things are related, which leads me to your smoking habit. The small but easily identifiable burns in the middle of your middle and index finger indicate you smoke at least a cigarette a day. This bears the question, where do you keep your cigarettes? Wearing cargo pants, it’s easy to presume that you keep them in one of the lower pockets, given how uncomfortable cigarette packs are and how you just hate uncomfortable things. But, what do you do when you are no wearing cargo pants? You probably use the left pocket of your hoodie, don’t you? It’s less intrusive that way.By the way, it is also easily discernable by the mark on your thumb that you use a lighter and not nmatches and obviously you tend to keep your lighter in the same pocket as your cigarettes. Now, your glasses. They’re light frame, slightly crooked to the left. Again, your complete lack of action o all trivial matters. This psychological condition goes beautifully with being near-sighted. Also, the tips of your glasses have this kind of melted feel to them, which implies you wear them most of the time, and the heat of your skull has melted them a little. So, you use your brain often, otherwise you head stays cold. You’re a thinker. You’re not like everyone else, a path of thought that clearly justifies the way you dress. You despise social rules, hence the hair and the smoking. You dislike other people, hence the mp3 player. Although you do appreciate the company of a select group, and you like being the center of attention, hence the music playing and the loud ringtone. You see I know more about you than you could possibly know about me, because I observe. Because I isolate the components that make up your being.
Now you try.
Hanging out in a party like this, you would think I’ve got it down to a science. Sitting in a table where half the people are strangers you would think I prepare a list of conversation topics so I don’t have to keep to myself.
The thing is, these kind of parties remind me of why I didn’t attend my high school graduation party. None of my friends are here. Nobody I actually know is here. I’m very quiet and my main distraction is to get drunk or smoke.
It makes me wonder why anyone comes to these things. Are they more experienced than me? Have they been to more of these parties than me? Did all of them actually pay to feel uncomfortable?
They’re screaming now so they must be showing photos or something. I remember I was nominated for some graduation award for best couple, with my girlfriend from back then. I was never there to accept the award but I didn’t want it anyway. I do remember I was unhappy, but from what I’ve read, I seem to have been unhappy most of my life.
If I think about it, there’s not a lot of things that make me happy. If I’m not drunk or stoned I can’t really think of anything. and anyway, I do seem to be pretty depressive when I’m drunk.
The food wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t brilliant either. The music its loud and the girls are very pretty and still I can’t think of a reason to stop being here, writing this.
Basically I found this while browsing through some of my earlier work.
What is it with me and people?!
Am I like, biologically tied to a magnet repelling everyone else? Do I have the paranormal ability of making everyone I like not like me back? How am I supposed to keep on living like this?! At first it was easy, I did not need anybody, but as experience increases I find it exceptionally irritating. Live and learn! How can I find my way when every pathway seems covered by the unparalleled loneliness that is my life?! How can I live on when every clear sight I find leads me to a wall? It’s getting harder to advance in the mountain road that is my life, always expecting to fall into the infinite darkness. Like, when I try to start something, and I think I sound sweet but, sure enough, in a faint voice I hear myself speak. People will probably call me a fool and tell me I’m doing exactly what a coward would do, but I can’t help liking people, so I’ll leave people alone now.
Then I found this one
Well everybody’s kissing everybody; well I think that’s great. Your turn on the TV now a days and everyone’s stuck in each other’s lips, or tongues, or just mouths. Well good for them.
Well everyone’s dating someone that actually likes them. Well, I think that’s awesome. Everyone has a crush on someone, and everyone has a crush on them, well, good for them, because I sure don’t have one on me.
Well everyone wants someone to kiss them. Well I think that’s really something. Whether it is someone you know, or just some guy you fell in love with from a magazine, you want someone to kiss you, with the occasional exception that you don’t have any lips, or you have kissophobia. Well good for you, because I sure don’t have anyone who wants me to kiss them.
Well everyone wants to keep on living. Well I think that’s great. Everyone knows that somewhere, sometime something’s going to happen that’s going to keep them alive. Everyone wants to know what the future has in store for them. Well good for them. Good for them.
This comes as kind of a shock to find out that I really haven’t changed at all. I thought I was different but I’m really just like I was five years ago.
No one told me to make movies. I just went to see a movie and I was like “Maybe that’s what I want to do”. So I did.