I’m not feeling very good. Ok, when I write, I’m almost never feeling very good. Let’s start a disorganized list of things that have me in a particularly bad mood.
- I’m sick of remembering you when I’m driving because every car that I pass I hope it’s yours and every time my cellphone rings my mind think’s it’s a call from you and every place that I stop at I hope I somehow run into you and you see me and suddenly realize that you want to be with me so bad it actually physically hurts you.
- I’m sick of people hearing me recite the stuff I write and saying “Dammit man, you really loved that girl.” and me saying “Yeah, I guess I really did” and then having to put up with the uncomfortable silence that forms when I’m THINKING OF YOU.
- I’m fucking tired of the Zooey Deschanel image that everyone loves of the quirky, happy girl that loves the world and thinks everything is great and is the kind of girl every depressed writer would like to go out with and DOESN’T FUCKING EXIST.
- I’m tired of being lonely and no one talking to me and every new person I meet thinking that I’m too annoying or judging me in silence.
- I’m tired of liking girls who have a boyfriend and/or wouldn’t go out with me anyway.
- I’m tired of finding something I actually like to do, writing for instance, and then also get tired of that.
I’ll just add more to this post in the next few days.