If I Hide Myself Wherever I Go, Am I Ever Really There?

Better? No, I’m not feeling better. I’m dreadful that’s what I am.

You know what’s just bloody agony? Not knowing what you want is bloody agony.

If there’s one science I like to profess, that’s psychology. The study of the mind is just fascinating. But my point today is not to endeavor into the many discoveries of psychology, but to discuss a certain matter that concerns me, and that may concern you too, my possibly non-existent reader.

In the olden days of psychiatry there was this young Swiss man who answered to the name ‘Carl Jung’. Among other things, Mr. Jung developed the concepts for analytical psychology, synchronicity and the collective unconscious. He also came up with a very curious concept known as the psychological type, which basically means that every thinking human being can be grouped with other human beings according with their way of doing things. Then two other brilliant people known Katharine Cook Briggs and her daughter, Isabel Briggs Myers, began creating a test that could tell you instantly which kind of person you were. If you can and want to, I would recommend you take the test here, and then if you want to, tell me which type are you. The test is surprisingly accurate.

Yes, I have taken the test. That’s quite obvious. My type is INFP. Which in the most beautiful of classified natures corresponds with the profile of the healer. The healer, if you must know (and I feel quite proud of this), is identified with his constant care for the inner lives of others. Also for being shy and reserved (sorry about that). The thing is I had known I cared about the inner lives for others long before Mr. Jung told me so.

The thing is, i like to help people. When I talk to you, I like to make you feel good. I don’t bury you in criticism or avalanche you with my problems, because I know you’ve got your own, and I want to help you with that. There is nothing that brings me more joy than actually helping someone get something off their chest. The thing is, most people don’t want to be helped unless they’re paying you, which is actually quite strange. Most people, they think their problems will go away on their own if they think about it long enough and, while for some of them it works, for most people things just don’t happen that way. That’s where I try to come in, talk to them, show them some people actually care.

The thing is, the healer’s life is a lonely one. It’s really tough to find another healer to vent our own anxieties, because most people just don’t want to heal anybody. I’ve said it before, most depressed can be helped if you just talk to them. Most of us (and when I say most of us I mean me but I know there’s a bunch of people out there who are just like me), we spend the day with a mask of happiness that only barely holds our immense depression inside. We walk through the halls with an invisible gun pointed at our heads. Always almost pulling the trigger. Telling ourselves we’ll pull the trigger if this or that happens. Always with one foot on the grave.

This invisible gun can be easily removed with a little help. A word of support. A loving gesture. A hug. A kiss. A high five. A question: “Are you doing all right?”. The answer: “Yes”. A repeated question: “Are you doing all right?”. A hesitating answer: “Umm…yes,  think I am”. Then the hook: “You know, you can talk to me about it. It’ll help.” That’s all. It’s so easy it’s actually stupid.

This probably isn’t a for real suicide. This is more of a ‘call for help’ thing. This is me asking you to please, please, if you feel like you caught a glimpse of the invisible gun I am always pointing at myself, please talk to me. There are so many people who couldn’t care less about me, it overwhelms me sometimes. It’s a very lonely existence, and I would really like people talking to me about anything at all. Really, it doesn’t have to be how I’m feeling. Talk to me about music, or your dreams or how you really don’t like somebody else, just talk to me.

Every once in a while, I may ask you if something’s wrong. I would really appreciate it if you let me help you. It’ll make both of us feel better. This way we can heal the world one person at a time. We can create beautiful relationships that will last until we die. Let’s make our worlds a better place and, in the process, remove our invisible guns.

Ballistics have never actually saved a life.


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