There's No Such Thing As Serenity, Part 2

Life: It’s fucking horrible.

That’s my idea for the guy that designs the signs hanging above the tunnels that lead us into the after-life and the rightnow-life. If our souls travel through some kind of pathway before we are born, you know, coming from the before-life, then there should be something to warn us of the imminent pain and sadness we are going to experience in the rightnow-life.

I seriously believed she was going to fall in love with me. With ME. How could I have been so stupid? I’m sick of believing shit. It doesn’t work that way. I care about you, you don’t care about me, so why should I care? The thing is, it’s not my fault, but I should still get over it. Honestly, get over something I didn’t cause. It’s all bullshit. All that stuff people tell you about not giving up and getting her back and honestly expressing your feelings, it’s all a bunch of bullshit.

You wanna know what I told her? I don’t care, I’m gonna tell you anyway. I told her I thought about her every day. That my life would be horrible without her. That I had fallen in love her the second I had laid eyes on her. I bought her flowers, but never gave them to her because she doesn’t want to see me and didn’t. SO the flowers I bought are rotting away in my car. I mean, my car will smell very good tomorrow, but what’s the point? She told me she wasn’t changing her mind. I mean, like her decision wasn’t based on something as irrational as fear.

She told me she was sure of her decision. That’s what maddens me the most. How can she be fucking sure? Dammit I was really really happy with her. Like, really really happy. Being happy becomes an addiction when you’re such a sad sod as I am. I told her that. I told her i was immensely happy when I was with her. You wanna know what she said? She said she was happy with me too. I mean, FUCK ME SIDEWAYS. Just tell me you hate me. Stop pretending like you actually give a fuck about me. Just tell me you don’t want to be with me anymore.

Seriously I’m tired of all you people and your pretending to care. What does it mean to care? What does it mean to be friends? Oh, did I mention she wanted me to be her friend? I mean, why would I want to be her friend? Didn’t I make perfectly goddamn clear that I wanted to be her boyfriend from the beginning? So, so far we have, she is happy when she’s with me, but she’s sure that she doesn’t want to be with me, and she wants me to be her friend. SHIT THAT’S THE MOST CONFUSING THING I HAVE EVER HEARD.

Did I mention I had already told her she saved me? That was probably it. Nobody wants to save me. It’s like “Oh yeah I love you, oh wait, you love me? Fuck you then” Oh you girls and your silly mental knots and misplaced priorities. Seriously, what the fuck is going on up there? What have you got instead of good old neurons?

How am I doing? Are you seriously asking me that? I’m fucking miserable, that’s what I am. I’m inside a pit and I’m still digging. I’m in such a low place, you have to use a lantern to guide your way down here. I’m in a place so sad that’s it’s actually becoming a happy place due to the duality of the emotion.

Of course, no one will ever take my side. I don’t know any of her friends and none of her friends know me. So no one will ever talk about me with her and so she will  probably never ever think of me again. Not that she actually did before. I pretty much know down to a fact that she didn’t. Actually, I’m pretty sure she’s got a long line of guys waiting for her and after a week she’ll be going out with some other douchebag.

I’m so fucking sick of everybody being ‘happy’ but me. I mean, who leaves you after a month? After a GOOD fucking month. “Don’t make this harder for me” FUCK YOU!!! You don’t want me to make breaking my fucking heart harder for you? What am i supposed to do? TAKE A FUCKING NAP?! Like “oh no, it’s fine, I’m just gonna go to sleep now, tomorrow I’ll probably not love you anymore” FUCK YOU!!! Shit yes I’m gonna make this harder for you because you SUCK and you need to KNOW IT. Everything you’re doing is hurting me so much it’s actually PHYSICALLY PAINFUL.

Oh, it wasn’t your intention to hurt me? You never meant to do that? THROW ME A FUCKING PARTY THEN!!! Parties never hurt my feelings. Or buy me a pony. That never hurts. Hell, buy me an Arizona tea if you don’t want to hurt my feelings. If you’re going to break up with me for no good reason then you should at least be FUCKING PREPARED to hurt my feelings because that’s what’s PRETTY MUCH GOING TO HAPPEN!!!!

I’m sorry if I sound like a hateful bugger. You know what? NO. I DON’T GIVE A FUCK WHAT I SOUND LIKE. I’M ANGRY! I’M VERY FUCKING ANGRY AT EVERYONE BUT ESPECIALLY AT YOU FOR BREAKING MY HEART FOR NO GOOD FUCKING REASON. It’ll probably go away in a few days but meanwhile just know that in this specific moment I hate humanity.

And you’re kind of part of humanity so…


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