It’s been said that people are afraid of change. Change constitutes most of our lives and, as much as we all want to live inside the monotony of a routine-filled life, we all have to learn to cope with it sooner or later. Loss is a kind of change, and a heavy one at that. Loss could be losing a book or a favorite CD. Loss can be misplacing a pencil or, in the worst of cases, the loss of a loved one.
At the beginning, when you experience loss, it’s like being hit by a speeding truck that has just turned visible while hitting you. You realize something that’s supposed to be there is not there anymore. It confuses you. Sometimes it makes you angry. You start blaming people for it. If you cared enough then you will repeat in your head the circumstances leading to the loss so many times that you will start feeling that you can actually change the past if you think about it hard enough. For months you will probably blame yourself for not acting when you should have.
Sometimes it takes time, but people do get over loss. After all the denial and the bargaining, the depression and the anger, you learn to deal with loss. What comes after is even worse than anything you had to put up with until then; The ghosts. I call ghosts to all those times you feel what you’ve lost is still there only to be hit by the same invisible truck time after time. It’s like trying to inhale air underwater. Ghosts can also manifest themselves as hallucinations, or mental conversations. You have to explain to them that they’re already gone, and you’ve already gone through so much pain and sadness to cope with the fact that they’re not there anymore, that you don’t really want to go over it again.
In defeating loss we become stronger and weaker at the same time. There is no easy way to cope with loss. Some of us never get over any of our losses and still have to deal with ghosts every night. In some twisted way, it defines who we are. It defines the way we act, and the way we treat the things and people that we can still count on. Still, it’s never fun to be hit with a truck.