Yes, I haven’t written anything in a while.
Sometimes, as I’ve written before, we lose ourselves on hopelessness and despair. I have definitely lost myself very often through my years of being alive. I have lost myself to the point where I’m lying in bed, looking at the ceiling, wondering what in heaven’s name I’m doing there. Looking at pictures that evoke powerful memories and spending long hours lost in nostalgia and revivals of long lost moments gives me some feeling of belonging. It gives me something to remember, but not something to strive for.
We are used to allocating ourselves inside our generation. The internet generation, the MTV generation, the nintendo generation. Our generation does this and that. Our generation is used to fast relationships. Our generation is based on this and that.
I am my generation. I am not someone else, and especially not some random million people. I am a thousand people on my own. My generation likes prose and poetry. My generation writes. My generation likes funny movies and mystery. My generation cries openly at Ratatoiulle and The Muppets and that part in the land before time when Littlefoot’s mother dies. My generation likes to play music when they’re alone. My generation is brilliant and we’re ready to let the world know. My generation gets rejected by girls because it lacks something we are unaware of.
I’ve started to feel better about myself. I know I am destined for great things. My generation is destined for great things. Before, I have tried to convince people that I’m worth a shot. I’ve longed for someone who accepts me completely as i am. Now, I have to say, even though I accept the decision of those who have rejected me, I have to say that they’re making a huge mistake. You are making a huge mistake because I will surpass everything around me, and I’ll be really noisy about it. People will be paid to brag about the things I will accomplish, and you will watch my movies from your couch and remember that, at one time, I told you I really liked you and wanted you to give me a chance.
I am me, and no one else. I am prepared to take chances and prove to everyone that I’m not what they see, but something else entirely. I am ignorant, and wise. I don’t know how to use a semicolon correctly. I am weird in many ways. I listen to strange music. I write strange things. I like the way fresh-cut grass smells. I like apples and cigarettes and pumpkin pie and kissing in the rain. I watch people attentively to figure out their personalities.
I am me. I am Nikolas Murdock. I am David Thurston. I am my pseudonyms and my personalities. And one day, I’ll be every one of you.