Another Monday

Somebody kill me, It’s Monday again.

You would think Monday has happened enough times before, and that we’ve gotten used to the week-end, week-start pattern, but no. Every Monday is greeted with the usual plethora of yawning and shouts of “I HATE MONDAYS”. Just last night, I was getting ready to go to sleep after a very productive evening of doing nothing. It was about midnight, and I knew that I had barely five hours of sleep to take advantage of. So I turned off my computer and wrapped myself in my blankets and such, and proceeded to follow the routine I usually follow to fall asleep. It usually includes closing my eyes and frequently turning in bed. Anyways, my brain did not want to sleep.

“Why do you not want to sleep, brain?”, I kept asking throughout the night, but it was to no avail for my brain did not want to answer. Since I have a set of steps to follow in these kind of scenarios, I decided to open the window and get some good, old-fashioned oxygen. That was probably my first mistake. I took off my pants to give myself a little bit of freedom in the leg department. That was my second mistake.

When I finally got some sleep, I woke up to find that my room(thanks to the open window) was a heavy-duty freezer. An improvised arctic no-man’s-land where I had to fight with polar bears and vicious penguins just to get out of my bed. In my absence(conscious absence at least), the bears had elected some kind of authoritarian government which did not see my lack of pants in a positive light, so added to the physical battle with the blood-thirsty animals now residing in my room, I found myself thrown into a battle of wits with a totalitarian ruler called “Zarko”.

As the days went on, I learned to take care of myself in this new environment. The only human in this post-apocalyptic world, my loneliness would keep me company on long nights when I needed a friend. However, providence decided to smile upon me and I became good friends with a polar bear called “Tsuke”. He belonged to a rebellious group self entitled “The Nolar Bears”. Becoming one of them, I learned their ways. I learned the value of a nice cold fish. I learned their language, and their traditions. Eventually divine intelligence led me to love, and I proposed to my two-year bear-girlfriend, a beautiful bear called “Majora”.

But the holy powers did not see my marriage under a good light. Two months after we wed, our home was penguin-bombed while I was away. She did not survive. I went berserk. Stealing the mythical spear, I stormed the Zarkian Castle in a fit of rage, taking life after life with me. Endless squadrons of bears, penguins and demonic combinations of both commonly referred to as “benguins” kept coming out of only-god-knows-where. Finally, after three days and three nights of fighting, I reached the throne room. I looked Zarko in the eye and knew that we were destined to fight one another using only our fists. Throwing away my spear and we fought valiantly, and fairly.

After what seemed like an eternity(but was actually no more than 20 minutes) I emerged victorious from the fated battle. My Nolar Friends greeted me with admiration and a sense of companionship few people get to experience in a lifetime. I spoke about the hardships of the past, and of the future. I told them great things were afoot. I told them, even if I had defeated Zarko, the darkness in my soul would never allow me to lead them into an age of peace and prosperity. I nominated Tsuke for ruler, and my proposition was met with chants and cheers from my fellow citizens. That night we drank and ate until our bellies were full. Then, as the music of the party grew louder, I silently slipped out of the party. I knew my kingdom would be safe, and I had heard there was a disturbance in the distant land of the zebras, so I grabbed my snow horse and rode into the sunset. Then I realized it was 6:30 AM.

Leaving my snow horse tied in a local saloon, I grabbed my robe and towel and showered as fast as humanly possible. I grabbed the first t-shirt I could find, and put on pants like a boss. Luckily, I had made some cookies the day before, so I grabbed some of them for the way and I got inside my car. As fate would have it, I arrived three minutes late to class, but was let in anyway due to my charisma. And now I find myself sitting inside the classroom, watching the teacher program some kind of company crap.

Fucking mondays…


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